


if i had seen this future (oh, how i would have wept)

by inkstained_pages



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghostbur is trying his best, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Introspection, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, based on tommys streams, basically im going through tommys exile, dream is a real dick in this one be prepared, here is your food, here you go all you angst lovers, i have no idea how this is going to end, so is techno ngl, the world hates tommy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27918124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkstained_pages/pseuds/inkstained_pages
Summary: Tommy was exiled.Again.But this time he was truly alone.orIn which Tommy has been exiled and this is what comes after.(Going through Tommy's streams one day at a time in a more angsty and dramatic manner)
Relationships: i will steal your kneecaps - Relationship, no romance that's weirdchamp
Comments: 6
Kudos: 214





	1. Day 1: Of Logs and Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember that this is a ROLEPLAY by our favourite minecraft youtubers. This is not anything serious, I am writing off of the characters these people are acting out. All events in this book are FICTIONAL and are a portrayal of the characters the streamers are acting.  
> If in any way they want things like this taken down, then down it shall go.  
> enjoy :)  
> (this is my first fic so sorry for any errors)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the stream on 4/12/2020

_ What the fuck. _

Tommy stood on a hill surrounded by rolling green fields and watched as Dream turned and walked away. Tommy hated himself for wanting Dream to stay, but it was raining and it was cold and Tommy was alone.

_ What the fuck. _

Ghostbur was there, somewhere off in the woods collecting more of his blue, whatever the hell that meant. Tommy didn’t know, and Tommy didn’t care. Ghostbur was there, but he wasn’t truly. He was dead and he didn’t even know what was happening.

_ What the fuck. _

Tommy was exiled. He was exiled, far away from everything and everyone he loved. Exiled by the very person he had trusted the most in the world, by the one person he had thought would stand by him forever.

_ What. The. Fuck. _

Tubbo. Tubbo had exiled Tommy.  _ Tubbo  _ had exiled  _ Tommy _ . The very person who had promised Tommy he would stand by him  _ no matter what _ , had just sentenced him to a life of solitude and loneliness in the middle of nowhere. 

_ What the- _

_ No _ . 

Tommy wasn’t going to stand there and take it. He wasn’t going to lay down and let the world walk all over him.

He was TommyInnit, the big man himself, Big T. He never gave up, even when everyone told him he should.

And even if this time around he really was completely alone, even if the one who put him here was his  _ best friend _ , even if Tommy really couldn’t see the light at the end of this tunnel, even if everything he once had was gone, stolen by Dream, he still wouldn’t give up (he couldn’t, he didn’t know how).

So Tommy watched and he waited, until Dream and his boat became a speck on the horizon, and then disappeared altogether. 

Still he watched, standing there on that hill in the middle of nowhere, far from everything he had ever loved, truly alone for the first time in his life. He watched as the sun set, watched the orange hues fade into black in silence for the first time in his life, no disc and no Tubbo there with him.

And TommyInnit cried there on that hill, as the sun faded from the sky, taking with it all the hope Tommy had been trying to hold onto since being pushed into that boat by Dream’s sword.

He cried there, silent and shaking. For the first time in his life, Tommy was quiet, and the world did not know what to do (neither did Tommy).

Tommy let himself mourn everything he had lost, let himself shake apart there on that hill. He let himself weep, fallen on his knees with his hands on his face, tears flowing down his face.

But he didn’t stay there. No, Tommy mourned for a time, but then he got up, rubbed away the tears and the grief and got to his feet once again. After all, he was Tommy, and Tommy had never known when to stay down.

He clenched his fists and steeled his heart, locking it deep inside him so that no one could reach it and tear it apart again. 

And with nothing but his pride and his determination, he turned and walked away from the hill.

The sun had set, the night had come and it was time to go.

~ ~ ~

Sam came in the night while Tommy was attempting to make a shelter to take refuge from the mobs (there were a lot here, much more than in the middle of the Dream SMP, where there was light and weapons and  _ people- _ ). 

He came with a pie and with a promise.

“I was looking for you.” His voice was heavy, laden with grief and sadness (was he sad that Tommy was exiled? No, that can’t be it, everyone wanted him gone, didn’t they?). “I wanted to deliver a message.”

It was important, according to Sam, and Tommy hated that he held onto the hope that somebody,  _ anybody _ out there was on his side.

“I know you were sent away, and I’m sorry-” at this Sam’s face twisted into something terribly, terribly sorrowful, “-but when you need someone, you know where to find me.”

Tommy’s eyes pricked with tears when he heard those words (when was the last time someone had said that they would be there for him and meant it?) and he struggled to swallow down the lump that was suddenly in his throat.

“My house is far from all of them, you can come hide with me if you need a place to stay, Tommy. We’ll find you. Be safe.” He turned and walked briskly away, deftly swiping at his eyes to try and hide the tears in them. “I’m so sad to see the server tearing itself apart,” he choked out as he turned away.

And listen, Tommy knew that Sam meant it, could see it in the way he held himself, tense and heavy with sorrow, in the way his eyes filled with grief when he looked at Tommy and the desolate fields around them. But Tommy also knew that if he went anywhere with anyone, Dream would find them, and he would end them (just like he had with Tommy).

And as much as Sam’s words warmed Tommy’s heart, as much as Tommy wanted to go with his friend, to be somewhere safe and to feel loved, he knew he couldn’t, for Sam’s sake.

So as Sam fled back to where he belonged, all Tommy could do was thank him and again watch as another person vanished into the distance (after all, Tommy didn’t belong anywhere, not anymore).

~ ~ ~

The more Tommy thought about it, the more he realized that he needed to get his discs back. It was because Tommy didn’t have them that he was here, out in the wilderness (alone, alone, so  _ alone _ ), in the middle of absolutely nowhere. It was because Tubbo had them, because  _ Dream _ had them, that Tommy was exiled.

If Tommy could get them back, maybe he could finally sleep at night, could finally rest without waking up in a panic at least twice. Maybe he could stop heaving for breath, feeling phantoms from the past come back to haunt him (a sword through the stomach, a betrayal more painful than that, an arrow in the chest, fleeing for his life for weeks on end, hunted like mice through the woods, fireworks shot by his own brother-).

“Ghostbur, if I could get my discs back, than all this could come to an end!” Tommy said while the two of them were out chopping down trees to begin their new (temporary) home. “I could go home, I wouldn’t have to worry about that green bastard taking control of everything again!”

Ghostbur simply cocked his head to the side and stared at Tommy with a puzzled expression on his face. “But why do you want to leave, Tommy? We just got here yesterday! There’s so much work to be done, and hey,” he shifted closer to Tommy, a happy grin sliding onto his face, “I can make us a really nice home with lots of blue! Isn’t that great, Tommy?” 

Tommy couldn’t bring himself to ruin Ghostbur’s happiness when he had none himself, so he simply nodded and smiled back at his dead brother, who really wasn’t his brother at all anymore.

“Yeah, Big G, it is pretty great.”

But Tommy didn’t stop thinking about them, the discs, the things that he and Tubbo had started the fight for, long before L’manburg was even an idea. He never forgot the way Tubbo declared that they didn’t matter and Tommy was being selfish. Tommy thought about the discs and he never forgot, feeling certain that they were the key to everything.

(Deep down, Tommy knew that they didn’t matter as much as everything else did. He knew that in the end, they were only pieces of music and that he could somehow get more. He knew that Tubbo was more important, he knew that his friend was right. He knew that he had lost everything because of his stubborn refusal to give them up, but now all he could think about was the fact that if he had given everything up for the discs, he might as well try and get them back.)

(After all, they were the only things he might have left at the end.)

~ ~ ~

Techno came the next day. 

Tommy didn’t know how he knew where they were, but he suspected Ghostbur had something to do with it. However, Tommy couldn’t be mad at the ghost; he was like a child, innocent and naive, and he had no bad memories of Techno. He had no idea the destruction and pain the pig-hybrid was capable of.

Instead Tommy heaved a sigh when he saw the familiar shape of his brother standing in the doorway of his and Ghostbur’s shelter. He put on his mask, and the defiant and ever-angry TommyInnit came to the light once more (Tommy was tired, he was so damn  _ tired _ , why did he have to do this?).

“What the fuck are you doing here you prick!?” Tommy yelled as he stormed over. 

“Ah, hello to you too, Tommy.” Techno was smug, Tommy could see it. His brother stood tall and regal, netherite armour shining in the sun, a knowing smirk etched on his face. His posture screamed satisfaction and disdain, and Tommy couldn’t help but hate him.

“Get the fuck out of here right now.”

Techno just laughed. “And if I don’t? What are you going to do about it?” He taunted.

Tommy grit his teeth, knowing that he couldn’t do anything, not like this, with no armour and barely any tools to speak of. Techno knew it too, and Tommy knew he reveled in it.

“That’s what I thought,” Techno said when Tommy didn’t reply.

“What do you want, then?” Tommy asked, venom dripping from his tone. A lesser man would have cowered at the sheer fury in Tommy’s voice, but Techno just raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Just wanted to see how the exiled hero was doing. Maybe rub it in that I, Technoblade, the god of minecraft, was right all along. I was, wasn’t I,  _ Theseus?”  _ Techno cackled and Tommy glared.

Before he could retaliate (Tommy had no idea what to say to that, Techno was indeed right, he had saved his friends and his country time and time again, and yet here he was, alone and exiled, abandoned by all), Ghostbur stepped out of the house, a blinding grin on his face.

“Techno! Techno look! I got you some blue!” The ghost eagerly handed the pig-hybrid what he had called his blue, a weird, slightly squishy substance stained a deep lapis colour. No one really knew where it came from, but everyone knew Ghostbur gave his blue to people he liked.

“Why thank you, Ghostbur, have some of the blue yourself.” Techno turned and he and Ghostbur began exchanging the blue, completely ignoring Tommy’s presence.

He was just turning to leave when Techno spoke again. 

“You can’t deny it, Tommy. I was right. Heroes don’t get happy endings.”

Tommy clenched his fists, seeing red for a moment before it drained away, leaving nothing but exhaustion and the instincts set deep within him to keep his head up and never stay down. 

“Maybe, but I won’t be out here for long,” Tommy replied, the words sounding empty even to himself. “I’ll be back with my friends before you know it.”

Techno snorted and rolled his eyes. “The thing with you Tommy, is that you never know when to quit and admit that you. Are. Wrong. Face it. You’re finished. Just give up.”

Tommy wanted to argue, but he knew Techno would never back down. They were alike that way, never wanting to admit when they were wrong or back down from a fight. In the end, arguing with his brother was futile, and they both knew that. Techno just wouldn’t be the first to back off, not this time, so Tommy decided to be the one to take the fall for the first time (He just wanted the pig-hybrid gone, wanted everything he stood for out of his sight, wanted the screams of the dead and dying echoing in his ears and fireworks flashing across his eyelids when he blinked to leave him in peace for once).

“You know I can’t do that, Blade. It’s not in my blood.” 

“Damn right it isn’t,” Techno grunted. “Neither is winnin’, it seems.”

(Techno was right, Tommy knew that. Heroes never won, heroes never lived past their own tales of victory. Heroes were born to die, and it seems as though Tommy was too.)

Tommy simply sighed again, before turning away and trudging back to the mines. 

He had work to do.

~ ~ ~

Their walls were coming along nicely, Tommy noted as he stepped back to take a breath. Stripped oak and birch logs staked into the ground, tall, but not too much so. Just the right amount for a (temporary) home.

(Tommy refused to acknowledge the fact that he only ever felt safe when there were walls around him, when there was something solid keeping the bad things away. He refused to acknowledge that Ghostbur humming alongside him as they worked reminded him of the beginning of L’manburg, when they were all young and dumb, visions of fleeting freedom making them believe they could challenge a god and win.)

(They did, but only because of Tommy. They seem to have forgotten that.)

“What do you think?” Ghostbur asked cheerfully from beside Tommy, stopping as well for a break. “Don’t they look nice?”

Tommy nodded thoughtfully. “I like it. Who knew logs were so nice.”

Ghostbur laughed, a faint and happy noise, like a soft bell. “They do look very pretty when stripped. We should work together to build stuff more often, Tommy!”

Tommy chuckled bitterly at that, thought he doubted Ghostbur noticed the sourness in his tone. “I think you and I will be spending a lot of time together in the near future out here.”

“Really!” Ghostbur positively lit up at that, grinning from ear to ear. “That’s great, Tommy! You and me, the great Lads on Tour! This will be so much fun!” 

He bounced off to continue working and Tommy shook his head fondly, a faint smile quirking at his lips. Even if Ghostbur wasn’t his brother, not really, Tommy found that he wasn’t unlike a child, easy to be around and even easier to get along with. Tommy needed that simplicity right now, and Ghostbur had, unknowingly, become a source of slight happiness in Tommy’s recent days.

Even though Tommy was truly alone, he had Ghostbur, and even if Ghostbur really had no idea that Tommy was trapped here for (seemingly) ever, he was still here, and that counted for something.

So Tommy picked up his axe and his strength and he ambled over to Ghostbur once again, ready to keep building their walls.

(Walls were an illusion of safety, but that didn’t stop Tommy from building them, physically and mentally and emotionally. He was alone now, and the walls were the only thing that he could use as protection against the storm.)

~ ~ ~

In the end, they named their new place Logsted Shire, a proper European name. It was a simple place with walls made of stripped logs and a dirt shack over on a hill. 

It was simple, and it was lonely, but Tommy tried to ignore that fact.

He and Ghostbur found small ways to entertain themselves as they worked, like joking about logs and the power they held.

“I can’t believe I’ve lived in fear of logs my whole life,” Tommy laughed as he stripped down some more of the wood. “They hold so much power!”

Ghostbur laughed alongside him, and Tommy let himself sink back into the familiar routine of smiling and pretending he was okay.

(He ignored the emptiness in his chest, the hollow feeling that was eating him alive. He ignored it and smiled, pretending that this wasn’t the thing that he knew would break him, that being out here alone and in the middle of nowhere wasn’t going to tear him apart.)

(It already was.)

~ ~ ~

“Tommy, are you alright?” Ghostbur asked as the two of them sat in the fields, finally finished with their log walls. 

“Why do you ask?” Tommy replied vaguely, trying to deflect. He knew he wasn’t being his normal self, loud and outgoing TommyInnit. He knew, but he couldn’t find the strength inside of himself to care. The strength he had left was all going towards putting one foot in front of the other.

“You seem sad.” Ghostbur looked at Tommy with his piercing, grey eyes. They were always empty, ever since Wilbur had died, but right now they looked full of concern and grief. It was almost as if the Wilbur from before was sitting right next to Tommy, the Wilbur who always looked out for his little brother and made sure he was okay (Tommy knew that Wilbur was gone).

“I’m alright, Ghosbur. You don’t need to worry about me,” Tommy lied, lied through his teeth, because he knew even if he wanted to explain to the ghost, he couldn’t. Ghostbur would try to help, but he couldn’t, he didn’t even realize Tommy was trapped here. Alone. “I just miss my friends.”

Ghostbur’s face scrunched up in sympathy. “Ah. Well, maybe tomorrow we can go visit them for a bit, y’know. Say hi and everything.”

Tommy grimaced and swallowed the lump that suddenly sat in his throat. He really did miss everyone. 

Fundy, who was so fun to tease. Big Q and his drugs. Phil, who really did try to be there for Tommy. And Tubbo, whom Tommy had believed would be there with him to the end.

(It seemed the end was here, but Tubbo was nowhere to be found.)

But Tommy didn’t say anything, just smiled a tired smile and looked out on the sea with Ghostbur by his side.

“Yeah. Maybe tomorrow.”


	2. Of Nether and Nothingness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the stream on 5/12/2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update in one day pog? I wanted to get as far ahead as I could on the weekend so I would have more time to work on other chapters during the school week. Why Tommy must you stream everyday this is going to be so hard ;-;  
> !!! TW for suicidal thoughts and almost attempt !!!  
> I think the whole fandom is ConcernedTM for our gremlin child now.  
> This is unedited because I am very tired after churning out two chapters in a day, so I apologize for any mistakes.  
> enjoy :)

Apparently visiting wasn’t against the rules, because another person came by the next day, Bad.

“What are you doing here, Bad,” Tommy asked, feeling a little bit better than yesterday and a little more like his old self (that just meant he was more pissy than usual).

“Oh! Tommy, you muffin, you scared me,” Bad laughed. “I came here to give you some things.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

Bad shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I wanted to help you out a bit, y’know, now that you’ve been exiled again.”

Tommy barely managed to cover up his wince at the words. He knew it was true, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“Well, thanks I guess. What did you bring?” Tommy asked, stepping forwards to the chest Bad had placed down on the hill.

“Just some logs, a pickaxe. Basic things.”

Tommy opened the chest and indeed there were a few stacks of logs (Tommy chuckled a little at that, remembering Ghostbur and him going on about the power of logs), two diamonds, and a silk touch pickaxe. And there was a disc.

Tommy blinked, staring at it for a few seconds in silent shock, before he picked it up gently, like it was going to break at the slightest movement (it was fragile, it was a ghost, it reminded Tommy of everything he had lost).

“What- where? how?” Tommy was speechless and it felt foreign. He always had something to say, always had some sort of comeback. But against this he had nothing (in all meanings of the word, he was nothing).

“It was one of the first discs I got on the server,” Bad explained. “I thought you would’ve liked to have it. To remind you of L’manburg.”

Tommy just continued to stare at the disc, his reflection staring back from the blackness. He looked tired, Tommy noted vaguely. Sad. Defeated. Not what he was supposed to be (Tommy was supposed to be loud and angry and the definition of defiant, but all Tommy was now was exhausted).

“Thank you, Bad,” Tommy finally managed to say. Bad looked at him with concern written all over his face, but didn’t say anything.

With one of the diamonds Bad had given him, Tommy made a jukebox, and the two of them sat down for a few minutes and listened to the music play softly through the morning air.

But then a green man came over the hill and the peace was shattered.

~ ~ ~

“Tommy, put your things in the hole,” Dream commanded. He was serious, Tommy realized. He was actually serious.

“Dude, I have  _ literally _ nothing. Why do you want me to put my stuff in a hole again? There’s nothing even worth blowing up!” Tommy said incredulously. He couldn’t believe it. The green bastard came all the way out in the middle of nowhere just to fuck with Tommy and take away what little he had managed to get back.

“You have armour. Take it off and throw it in the pit.” Dream didn’t waver, and Tommy hated him for that.

“And what if I don’t?” Tommy challenged, angry enough to override his bone-deep fatigue for the moment. “What are you gonna do? Kill me?” 

(Part of Tommy wanted Dream to do it, to just end it already, there wasn’t enough to live for anyway.)

Dream drew his sword, slow and deliberate, just to intimidate. His stance was filled with confidence, and Tommy knew he was mocking him. “You know I will.”

(But Tommy knew he couldn’t give up, not yet, not while he had spite left in him and enough anger to still breathe.)

So he backed down and threw his armour in the pit, but not before tossing the disc to Bad while Dream wasn’t looking. He wasn’t going to let Dream take that. He still had fury left enough for that little act of defiance.

“I’ll take these too.” Dream stole the ender chest Bad had brought, and the pickaxe too. Tommy was only really left with the logs and disc, which he had given back to Bad for safe keeping.

(What was the point of this? What was the point of pushing Tommy back down over and over and over again? Was it funny? Did it give Dream some sort of twisted sense of satisfaction? What was the reason for beating down an already defeated man?)

~ ~ ~

At some point, Sapnap arrived as well. Tommy had no idea where everyone was coming from, or why they were even here. Wasn’t he supposed to be exiled? Didn’t that entail complete isolation?

(Tommy hated that he wanted them to stay, hated that the thought of them leaving made him want to curl up and cry. He hated that the very people who put him here were the ones he wanted to stay and not leave him alone again.)

They went into the mines for a bit. Well, Tommy went, Sapnap and Dream followed. For some reason Dream killed whatever mob they happened to come across, especially the ones that attacked Tommy. 

It confused him greatly; why would his greatest enemy, the man who was responsible for most of the pain that Tommy had experienced in his life, keep protecting him?

It felt like some sort of manipulation tactic, one Tommy was familiar with. Wilbur had used it a bit on him when he was still alive, when they were alone in Pogtopia and he was going insane. He used to threaten Tommy and call him worthless, but then the next second he would act like a big brother who cared for Tommy most in the world. Tommy remembered that it made his head hurt and his heart ache. He felt the same way now.

(The fact that Tommy could even compare the man who caused so many nightmares in Tommy’s head and his older brother and find them similar should have alarmed Tommy. In another world, in another timeline, it would have. But in this world, in this timeline, Tommy had been broken too many times to question why things were like this and realize that something was seriously wrong. In this timeline, Tommy was alone and Tommy was tired.)

But he kept mining, and he kept flinching whenever Dream took out his sword, even if it was to ‘protect’ Tommy. 

Tommy kept going, even when Sapnap taunted him and pretended to find diamonds. He kept going when he almost fell in lava and nobody did anything but laugh. He kept going when he felt the familiar blast of an explosion and the sting of pain that came from a creeper’s combustion.

At some point, when the mining was over and everyone was back at the camp (Ghostbur had built a tent and a house for them, and Tommy was so grateful), Ghostbur suggested a trip back to L’manburg. 

“Could we?” Tommy asked, hating the hope in his voice and hating the way he even thought he had a chance of going back. “I mean, go back, that is? Just for a visit?”

“No, no,” Dream replied with a tone filled with mockery, like he was surprised Tommy had even considered the idea. “Tommy, you’re here for a long while, remember?”

“How long?” Ghostbur asked innocently. “I mean, I like our vacation, but I’d assume Tommy wouldn’t be here for very long.”

Tommy nodded. “I won’t be here for long, Ghostbur. Maybe a week or so. Two at the most.”

Dream cackled, and Tommy flinched, the sound reminding him of old wars and a country founded from a van (it reminded him of explosions and dark rooms, of a sword in his gut and an arrow in his chest).

“Oh no, Ghostbur. Tommy is here for a long time. He’s here forever.”

~ ~ ~

Ghostbur went back to L’manburg for a short visit and to grab some supplies, and Tommy pretended he didn’t feel tears gathering in his eyes as he watched the ghost leave.

When Ghostbur returned, he and Dream and Sapnap spent a good long while talking about how amazing L’manburg looked now that there were Christmas decorations up (Tommy had forgotten that Christmas was near, he had forgotten that he would be spending it alone, out in the middle of nowhere, with nobody but the wind and the snow for company).

Tommy walked too and fro from the camp and the dirt shack, organizing supplies. The others trailed behind him, still discussing the decorations and the beauty of Tommy’s country. Tommy ignored them (he couldn’t).

“Well, now that we live here, maybe we can set up some Christmas decorations,” Ghostbur declared enthusiastically. “Wouldn’t that be fun, Tommy?”

Tommy grimaced. “I don’t actually live here.”

“No, no you do,” Dream replied casually (Like it was a casual affair that Tommy was exiled away from his nation and his friends. Like it was a normal thing to be banished from the place you helped build by your best friend.)

(It was a normal thing in Tommy’s life.)

~ ~ ~

“I want to build a tent,” Tommy announced suddenly, while they were all walking to the dirt shack. 

Dream and Sapnap both chuckled, and Ghostbur looked confused.

“Why would you want to make a tent when we already have one in the camp?” He asked. 

Tommy shrugged. “I want to be able to see the sunset.”

They laughed at him, saying that it was a pointless endeavor, but Tommy ignored them again. 

The sunset was something ingrained inside of him. He watched it constantly, no matter where he was. It had become even more important after coming to the Dream SMP and finding his discs. Sitting on that bench with Tubbo by his side, music drifting softly through the air, watching the sunset. 

That was home.

(It didn’t matter that Tommy didn’t have that anymore, it didn’t matter that his discs were stolen, that Tubbo had exiled him, that everything about his home was gone, destroyed, burned to ashes. In the end, Tommy would always come back to the sunset, no matter where he was. It was the only thing he had left that reminded him of something good.)

So Tommy built his tent. It wasn’t the best thing ever built, after all, Tommy was a fighter, not a builder. Building had always been Tubbo’s forte, and Tommy could remember watching his friend work on houses for hours, sometimes pitching in, sometimes content to sit and watch. 

The others mocked it, saying it was ugly, that it didn’t even look like a tent.

Tommy wanted to yell at them, to tell them that the tent itself didn’t matter, that having a place to call his own in the middle of this forsaken place did. He wanted to scream that this was his way of dealing with this, that it wasn’t his fault he had always been more bruised chest and scratched legs then weathered hands and strong arms.

They mocked, and Tommy let them. He kept his head down and kept working on his tent. He was grateful when Ghostbur came along to help. At least it stopped most of their taunts, even if Tommy was loathe to admit that the help was probably needed.

(He never knew how to ask for help when he needed it, how to accept the help when it was given. That was probably a big reason for why he was stuck in this situation in the first place, after all, it was his own fault he was here.)

(At least, that’s what everyone kept saying.)

~ ~ ~

It was an offhand comment that sparked the realization in Tommy.

“Oh, that ruined nether portal might come in handy sometime.”

Tommy didn’t know who said it, but the words sharpened something in Tommy, something he hadn’t even thought of before.

_ He could use the nether to travel back to the SMP. _

As long as Dream wasn’t there, and Tommy played his cards right, he could go home. Just for a little bit, not long, since Dream would come and murder him if he ever found out, but a little would be enough (it wouldn’t).

(Did they even want him back? After all, they had exiled him. It was Tubbo’s choice that put him out here, so what was to say he didn’t actually want Tommy gone?)

So down Tommy went, back into the mines. He mined for what felt like days, but was probably only a few hours at most. He found diamonds, gathered obsidian and climbed his way out of the dusty caves.

He didn’t know where Dream and Sapnap were, but then again he didn’t really care at the moment.

His breaths were short, desperation carved into every inch of his body. If he could just do this one thing, then he could go home and see his friends. Not the enemies that had plagued and mocked him for days now, but real people, the ones who loved him and who he loved in return.

(Did they really love him though, after everything that he had pulled and after everything they had done?)

Tommy ran to the broken portal, filling in the holes. He vaguely registered Ghostbur beside him, but his concerned voice didn’t reach Tommy, not when the blood was rushing in his ears so fast.

He stepped through the portal after lighting it, and the hot air of the nether blasted into Tommy with full force.

Tommy barely noticed it at all, which probably should have concerned Tommy and said something about his mental state, but Tommy was too desperate to be aware of any of that.

He finally snapped out of his feverish haze when something green stepped out of the portal as well.

“I hope you weren’t planning on going back home, were you?” Dream asked menacingly, a grin full of sharp teeth on his face.

Tommy flinched harshly. “I just wanted to see something familiar. Is that not allowed?”

(Tommy ignored the way the sudden hue had reminded him so sharply of the war for L’manburg, ignored the way his heart threatened to jump out of his throat, ignored the flashbacks that threatened to take over his mind.)

(He was supposed to be over that, the war was months ago, he should be fine now.)

(He wasn’t.)

Dream looked thoughtful for a moment before shrugging. “I mean, as long as you don’t go through the portal it’s fine.”

Tommy nodded and turned away, silently gasping for air after holding his breath for so long. He barely remembered even getting here, just the burning need to  _ get to the nether right now you can go home youcangohome- _

He, of course, wasn’t thinking at all. Of course Dream wouldn’t have let Tommy go anywhere without Dream right there beside him, especially to the nether. Of course he wouldn’t have let Tommy go back through the portal. 

Tommy was exiled.

(Tommy was alone.)

~ ~ ~

Seeing the community portal was bittersweet. Sweet, because it was familiar and comforting and everything Tommy had been lacking while out in the wilderness. Bitter because it offered nothing but false hope and memories that hurt more than they helped.

On their way to the portal, Sapnap and Ghostbur had joined Dream and Tommy, and now all four of them stood inside the room that held the portal back to the Dream SMP.

“What will you do if I go through?” Tommy asked, morbid curiosity getting the better of him.

Dream cocked his head and raised his axe threateningly. “I will fully kill you, Tommy. Don’t test me.”

“Right, right.” Tommy nodded hastily, his breath hitching for a split second. For all his bravado, Tommy knew this wasn’t a fight he could win.

“Aw, c’mon man. Go in anyway. It’s not like he’ll actually do anything.” Sapnap pushed past Dream and slung an arm around Tommy, like they were old friends.

(They weren’t, not after Sapnap had betrayed Tommy and Tubbo over and over, not when Sapnap had promised to be Tommy’s friend and then when the young boy was exiled, simply turned back to Dream.)

“I’m not bluffing, I assure you.” Dream’s voice was cold. Tommy believed him.

His heart almost stopped when Sapnap pushed him towards the portal playfully, thinking nothing of it.

Tommy jumped away from the portal faster than anyone could’ve processed (it hurt, to be so near to the thing he wanted most in the world, but knowing that going to it would end in death).

Dream and Sapnap cackled, while Ghostbur looked on in silence. He didn’t look happy, but he didn’t look sad either. Just curiously neutral, like he normally did.

The three of them went through the portal with promises to take pictures and admire the Christmas decorations for Tommy. Tommy knew that they were only mocking him, taunting him, using his love for his country and friends just to cause him pain.

(It was working.)

Tommy stepped away from the portal as their voices faded into the purple. He turned and went out onto the blackstone path that led to the portal.

Lava bubbled far, far down below the path. Tommy watched it, the glowing orange hue almost hypnotizing, the way the lava bubbled and burst seeming to draw the boy in.

Lava was hot, lava was burning pain, lava was death.

The thought didn’t seem so unappealing now.

Now, when Tommy was alone and exiled. Now, when everything Tommy loved was gone. Now, when Tommy was finally broken enough to consider it. 

He walked closer to the edge, pressed the tips of his toes over the side. One step, that’s all it would take. One step, and Tommy could finally rest.

He was so  _ tired _ .

Nobody wanted him anyway. Ghostbur only stuck around because he thought they were on vacation. Dream and Sapnap were only there for entertainment. Techno, Tommy’s own brother, had come to visit just to mock him, just to rub it in that Tommy was exiled and that Techno had been right.

Fundy and Quackity had watched in horrified silence when Tommy was exiled, but ultimately had done nothing, and still hadn’t done anything.

And Tubbo. Tubbo was the one to put Tommy here, on the edge of the path, on the edge of himself, ready to jump and let the lava burn away his pain.

Maybe then he could sleep at night without ghosts of the past haunting his every step.

Tommy leaned farther over the edge, one breath away from ending it all.

(No one would miss him anyway.)

A hand grabbed Tommy’s shoulder and roughly tugged him away from the edge, sending him stumbling back.

Tommy wanted to cry, wanted to scream and shout and wail. He was so damn  _ tired. _ Why wasn’t he ever allowed to just rest?

“It’s not your time to die, Tommy.” Dream stood in front of the boy, green shirt and smiley face mask towering tall above him.

Tommy bit back the tears that wanted to come out and forced himself to descend back into the emotionless void he found himself in more often than not these days.

“It’s never my time to die.”

(Oh, how he wishes it was.)

~ ~ ~

They walked back to the camp, and Tommy went to his tent on the hill. The sun was setting and Tommy watched it go, watched the dying rays fade into nothing, wanting nothing more than to go with them.

(He knew he couldn't, knew that he wasn’t selfish enough to do so. The moment back in the nether had been a moment of weakness and nothing more. He wouldn’t let himself fall into that again. He had work to do.)

“How do you know when it’s all too much?” Tommy said when he felt the others come up the hill to join him.

Silence answered him.


	3. Of Companions and Compasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the stream on 6/12/2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> subscribe to philza minecraft
> 
> I skipped over the end of the stream when Tommy tries to help Lazarbeam out of the lava because I didn't see the plot relevence, so sorry if you wanted to see that.  
> Also, I'll be being a little bit briefer on some of the points since writing these chapters takes a long time and I already have work and school to worry about. I will try to keep up <3
> 
> !! TW for suicidal thoughts !!
> 
> enjoy :)

Tommy guessed this was someone’s idea of a joke. Rigging TNT under the doorway of his tent certainly seemed like many people on the server’s type of humour (humour at Tommy’s expense).

“Ha, jokes on them, they’d just be putting me out of my misery,” Tommy muttered to himself as he stared down at the massive hole that was now under his tent. He was joking, obviously.

(He wasn’t.)

Tommy set about fixing the hole, determination winning out despite the horrible start to his day. He had hope that things might get better as the day went on. It didn’t matter, he was going to hold his head high, because if he didn’t, he didn’t know what he was going to do.

It didn’t take long to fill in the hole, but Tommy’s mood was now quite a bit duller than before and he huffed, before spinning on his heels and heading over to the forest.

He had discovered a village nestled within the trees not that long ago, and he hoped that the locals might be interested in some trade, or maybe just a conversation or two (he hoped, he wished, he was so lonely without anyone to talk to).

He wasn’t even sure they spoke english, but he couldn’t help but let the little spark of hope in his chest remain there instead of squashing it like he normally did. 

So Tommy walked to the village, heart heavy and mind tired, but with hope in his chest (he should know better by now that hope only hurt him in the end).

“Hello? Would any of you fine gentlemen be interested in a trade? Or just a talk?” Tommy asked hesitantly through a window at three of the villagers. 

None of them even turned to look at him, instead communicating with each other in strange hums and murmurs that Tommy could never hope to understand for the life of him. 

“Hello? Please, I just need someone to talk to,” Tommy tried again. There wasn’t any answer, nevermind any indication that he was even there at all.

“Ah, alright then. Y’know what, fuck you, I don’t need you anyway. I never even liked you guys in the first place.”

(He was lying, lying to them, to himself. He needed people, he was always better around others now than alone, and this exile thing was proof of that, proof that TommyInnit was nothing without anyone else.)

~ ~ ~

Tommy finally accepted he was going to be here for a while. With Dream in control of the Dream SMP and basically L’manburg as well, Tommy was stuck alone in exile for the foreseeable future.

And after that realization, Tommy could finally begin planning and being productive, instead of moping around like he had been doing. After all, there wasn’t any time for self pity.

So Tommy got together a list of things he needed to do, the most important of them being getting an enderchest. If he was going to get anywhere in his mission to get his discs back, he needed access to some of the materials he had had before. 

And that was what Tommy was getting ready to do, when he broke the dirt under his chest by accident, finding another chest there.

“What the…” Tommy muttered, before reaching down and opening the chest.

He sucked in a sharp breath.

The disc was there, the one that Bad had given him. The one that Dream had almost taken from him.

Tommy swallowed, before looking around. He was always scared when he held a disc in his hands. After multiple times where the green bastard came out of nowhere and stole one of Tommy’s discs from right under his (and Tubbo’s) nose, he was terrified that it was going to happen again.

(He hated it, the way that Dream had this power over him, even when the man wasn’t even there, hated the fact that Dream had ruined one of the only things that made Tommy happy, had tainted it with blood and fear.)

But Tommy pushed past the paranoia and went onto his hill with his tent and placed the jukebox right outside his makeshift home. He inserted the disc and listened to the new tune, swaying slightly along. This was the disc that would get him through his exile, the thing that would spur him on to live, even in the moments when he could think about nothing but the peace death would bring.

But right here, right now, for a moment there was peace. For a split second, for a single instant in time, Tommy simply  _ breathed _ . 

(He was here, he was alive, his heart was still pumping.)

But then the moment passed and Tommy took the disc out before it too could be stolen from him. Tommy was left alone in the vast expanse of silence that seemed to engulf him everyday and never let go.

(He was alone, he was tired, and sometimes he wished his heart would stop.)

~ ~ ~

Tommy found an enderchest back in the camp, but there was a note saying it was from Eret on it, and Tommy destroyed it before he could even process the words. He didn’t want anything from that man, that traitor, even if he had helped gain back L’manburg.

(Tommy’s memories were too full of pain, too full of betrayal, his ears too full of the screams of his dying friends, of the haunting words ‘it was never meant to be’, for him to forgive so easily.)

So the chest was destroyed and Tommy fled from the camp, instead focusing on making a small path running from his tent to the little camp. The rhythmic patting down of the grass and soil helped calm his mind and Tommy soon found his breathing to be normal again.

A squeak sounded in his ears, and Tommy jumped, whirling around to face the ocean, where the sound had come from.

There. There was a dolphin right up against the shore, looking perfectly happy and content to squeak at Tommy. A seed hit his chest and Tommy stared at the dolphin, who almost looked smug at hitting him.

The dolphin squeaked again.

A small smile flitted across Tommy’s face, and he picked up the seed and tossed it back to the dolphin. It caught it in its mouth and turned around. It splashed back into the deeper waters, joined by another sleek, blue dolphin. The two creatures played in the bay for a while, and Tommy was content to watch them for a time.

They soon swam back out into the open ocean, but they had brought some semblance of cheer to Tommy, and he was thankful for that.

~ ~ ~

Tommy really didn’t want to go back to the nether, with its heat and its lava. But, no one was out here with him, everyone was still back at the SMP or in L’manburg (where Tommy  _ should _ be, but that’s besides the point right now).

So Tommy reluctantly took out his communicator, dreading already the almost certain outcome of rejection and mockery that was sure to come.

But he  _ really  _ didn’t want to go to the nether again, so he typed out his message.

_ Do you guys have any blaze power to spare? _

He hit send before he realized he had spelled ‘powder’ wrong and he wanted to smack himself. He did, but that didn’t make him feel any better. He tried to tell himself it didn’t matter, and it was sort of working.

_ Don’t think so, sadly.  _ Ranboo was a kind soul, and Tommy was grateful for him, even if he didn’t know how to say it (memories of words spoken in defense came to him and Tommy wished he could have thanked Ranboo more).

_ Not for you,  _ Antfrost replied.

_ “Blaze power,”  _ Connor mocked. Tommy winced, and his words to himself about it not mattering suddenly disappeared.

_ Oops!  _ He sent back, trying to stop his heart from beating faster, which it was doing for some stupid reason.

(Since when did it matter to ask for something from people who were supposed to be friends, since when did it make Tommy want to curl up into a ball and disappear, since when was he so afraid of even speaking to them?)

_ Tf is wrong with u,  _ Connor sent, and Tommy wished he hadn’t asked in the first place. Maybe it was meant to be teasing, but from hundreds of blocks away and alone, the words sounded harsh and cruel to Tommy.

_ Sorry aha.  _ This was pathetic, and Tommy hated it. He was stupid, so stupid. His anger snapped to the surface suddenly and he furiously typed out another message, sending it before his rational mind could stop him.

_ IT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ALL FUCKING LEAVE ME! _

Shit. He should not have sent that. He should  _ not  _ have sent that. 

_ Cringe,  _ was the word that greeted him when his communicator beeped again. It was Phil who sent it, and Tommy pretended that it didn’t make his eyes water at seeing his father do nothing but mock him.

(Tommy had never been the important one to Phil, Techno had always been the favourite. Even after the country had been blown up and Tommy had watched his father kill Wilbur, his brother, in front of him, Phil had only asked Tommy where Techno was and then left as soon as he got the answer. Phil didn’t care about Tommy, and Tommy hated that he was used to the fact.)

Tommy closed his communicator, eyes hard and walls up around his heart, forcing himself to keep the pain away. They were just joking, it was a joke.

(He was the joke.)

~ ~ ~

The nether was hot, as always. Sweltering and burning heat pressed in on Tommy the moment he stepped through the portal.

But there was a chest there, sitting innocently on the netherrack ground. Tommy eyed it suspiciously, before opening it and finding a letter inside.

It was addressed to him, from Ranboo. Tommy opened it and began to read.

_ Eyyyy, Tommy! _

_ Hope you are well. _

_ You probably aren’t well, huh… _

_ Hope you find a way back in here. _

Tommy snorted bitterly, before turning the page.

_ Here is a joke: _

_ What do you call a bad idea? _

_ Letting a green man have total control. _

_ That was pretty funny huh… _

Tommy couldn’t help it, he let out a faint chuckle. Ranboo was good at cheering him up, he had to give him that.

_ Anyway, just write in the letter to reply and leave it here. _

_ Talk to you soon. _

  * _Ranboo (WITH NO B ON THE END I SWEAR)_



Tommy laughed again (that had to be some sort of record since he was exiled) and wrote out a hasty reply, one that probably made him sound a little crazy, but Tommy didn’t really care.

He turned around suddenly, feeling eyes on him and funny enough, there was Ranboo, standing on top of a tall hill. 

“Hey Ranboo,” Tommy whispered, out of habit, and climbed up to meet his friend at the top.

“Hello Tommy,” Ranboo replied, all smiles and warm green and red eyes. “How’s it going?”

Tommy nodded. “Good. Fine. Good.” He was a little flustered, having not talked to anyone in a while. “Very well, thanks. How are you?”

“I’m doing alright.” Ranboo didn’t seem to mind (Tommy didn’t deserve the kindness).

“I’ve been quite alone for a while,” Tommy explained, feeling the need to justify his all-over-the-place manner.

“Yeah, yeah I know,” Ranboo said as Tommy quickly munched on a small snack.

“Do you know where the fortress is?” Tommy asked suddenly, remembering why he came here and realizing he didn’t want to be wasting more of Ranboo’s time.

Ranboo shook his head regretfully. “I actually have no idea.”

“Do you want to come with me to find it?” (Please do, don’t leave again, stay for at least a while.)

“Sure, let’s do it.”

Tommy barely heard Ranboo’s reply. The orange glow of the lava from fifty feet down caught his attention just like it did yesterday, and Tommy couldn’t help but get lost in the promise of fiery death again.

(It would be easy, so easy. Just one step and then everything would be gone, all the pain and betrayal and nightmares. Gone, with one step.)

Tommy blinked and shook himself out of it. This was not the time, Tommy was not going to give up (no matter how tired he was).

The two of them began walking out in a direction, not particularly knowing where they were going.

“You weren’t actually supposed to see me, but…” Ranboo commented casually as they plodded along in the stifling heat.

Tommy felt a flash of unreasonable guilt. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But, hey I appreciate the surprise, though. I really do.” And he meant it. After the fields had gotten silent and lonely, Tommy found himself longing for the company of a friendly face.

“Yeah, yeah no it’s all good man.”

Tommy nodded, and the two of them kept on searching, chatting amicably along the way.

~ ~ ~

Fundy ended up joining them a little while later, despite Tommy’s lack of faith in his former countryman (after all, Fundy had stood by and watched as Tommy was exiled by his best friend, had done nothing when Dream had shoved Tommy off the walls).

But Fundy had promised to show Tommy and Ranboo where the fortress was, and Tommy couldn’t lie and say that the sight of a very familiar face wasn’t welcome.

The merry band of three made their way across the nether, Fundy leading the way to the nether fortress.

“Why didn’t you come with me, Fundy?” Tommy asked randomly after a comfortable silence had settled on the group for a few minutes.

The silence turned sour.

“Oh, uh. Well. I don’t really know,” Fundy stuttered nervously. Tommy felt bad for putting him on the spot, but he really did want to know. “I couldn’t leave Tubbo all alone, now could I? I mean, he  _ is  _ the President after all, and I  _ am  _ the Foreman.”

“No, no, you’re right,” Tommy assured the fox-hybrid, feeling bad and guilty. “It makes sense.”

(Tommy couldn’t blame Fundy for choosing Tubbo over him, after all, he would have done the same.)

“How is Tubbo?” Tommy broke through the silence once more, desperate for the ease in which they had traveled before (the ease that he had ruined.)

“Oh, you know. He’s doing well. Uh,” Fundy looked around nervously, his ears flat. “Dream seems to be… proud of him, or something.”

Tommy stopped walking. “What?”

Fundy nodded. “You know Dream wanted you exiled, yeah? Well, after Tubbo did, Dream told Tubbo he was proud of him.”

Tommy’s head was reeling. Of course the green bastard had to go and do something like this, just to rub salt in the wound. “And what did Tubbo say to him back?”

“He…” Fundy hesitated. “Well, he thanked Dream, I guess.”

The sounds got fuzzy around Tommy and the heat increased tenfold. 

Tubbo? Why would Tubbo thank Dream after the bastard said he was proud of him? Why would Tubbo thank Dream, the man who had forced Tubbo to  _ exile  _ Tommy, his best friend?

(Did Tommy really not matter at all anymore? Had he ever?)

“-course, Tubbo was only being sarcastic, he didn’t really mean it,” Tommy tuned back into the real world to hear Fundy reassure him.

“R-right. Right,” Tommy stuttered. “Of course, he was only being sarcastic.” He clung to that belief with everything he had, and the trio kept walking.

~ ~ ~

By the time they reached the fortress, Tommy was feeling a lot better about the world. He put his worries about Tubbo behind him and managed to enjoy himself immensely in the presence of his two friends. There were people by his side, people he trusted (to a certain extent, Tommy didn’t know if he truly trusted anyone anymore), people he could bounce off of. 

It was really nice.

They proceeded to enter the fortress, cackling with mirth, eyes bright and smiles wide as Tommy downed a fire resistance potion and walked through lava, singing a strange song.

It was the happiest Tommy had felt in a long time, even as the potion wore off and the sting of the blazes’ fireballs could be felt again. It didn’t sting that much at all, anyway, not with two friends beside him.

“I’m feeling much better now,” Tommy said as they backed off on the blazes, since Tommy now had three rods. “Y’know I’ll be honest with you two, at the start of the day I was feeling a little rough, not having seen a person for a while. But now I’m feeling much better. Thank you guys. Thank you.” He hoped he conveyed his gratefulness across well enough, he hoped they understood how much this meant to him.

“It’s no problem, dude, really,” Ranboo said with a smile. Fundy nodded in agreement, also grinning.

Tommy couldn’t help but give a smile back, a genuine one for the first time in a long while.

~ ~ ~

So maybe he lost everything to the lava. It was an accident, Tommy swore. He had just been so  _ happy _ , he hadn’t been paying attention at all to where he was putting his feet.

It helped knowing that Ranboo tried to save him, and that he knew Ranboo and Fundy had some of his stuff.

They met up quickly again in the nether, Tommy sprinting and jumping down to meet his friends again, laughing at their shocked expressions.

“Hi guys!” 

“Woah!” Ranboo said. “You really need to stop falling, you’ll hurt yourself.”

Tommy just laughed it off and gratefully thanked Fundy as he gave him back his things.

(Maybe he wanted to hurt.)

~ ~ ~

They went back to the camp after that, not wanting to risk anymore damage to anything or anyone in the nether.

Tommy showed them around the area. He showed them the camp, the prime log, and his little tent. 

Ranboo seemed to enjoy it, but Fundy looked a little unimpressed.

“You don’t like it, Fundy?” Tommy asked, a little scared of the answer.

“No, no, it’s very nice,” Fundy quickly reassured Tommy. “It’s just… well, I thought there’d be more.”

Ranboo chuckled. “He hasn’t been out here that long, Fundy, give the kid a break.”

“Right,” Fundy laughed as well, a little sheepishly. “Sorry.”

Tommy put a grin on his face and waved it off. “It’s fine, Fundy. You guys should probably be going anyway.”

Both their faces fell at that, and Tommy immediately felt bad.

“It’s not that I don’t want you here,” He quickly reassured. “It’s just, I don’t want to waste anymore of your time. I mean, you don’t have to go, if you guys wanna stick around for a little longer?” They could all hear the silent question in his tone, asking them to stay.

(Tommy really didn’t want them to leave, but he knew they had other lives to attend to, and that no one wanted to spend too much time with him.)

To Tommy’s immense relief, they did decide to hang out some more. It was fun, just casually bantering back and forth, coming up with little bits, just like Tommy used to do back at the SMP with everyone else.

He gathered obsidian to make an enderchest, but then accidentally lost it all again to lava (he ignored the people on his communicator mocking him for his uselessness).

But Fundy and Ranboo, in a show of kindness that had Tommy tearing up slightly, replaced most of the valuables, including blaze rods and ender pearls so Tommy could make his chest. Tommy thanked them multiple times, to the amusement of the two.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and soon Tommy said goodbye to Fundy and Ranboo. He didn’t want them to leave, but they had been with him for quite a bit and he knew they had other things to attend to.

So he bid them farewell and pretended he didn’t let a tear or two fall when they left and all that remained was the familiar silence of the fields.

~ ~ ~

Ghostbur came to visit soon after, right before Tommy was turning in for the night. He said he had a gift for Tommy, and so Tommy met up with his former brother in the little house Ghostbur had made.

“What’s the gift, Ghostbur?” Tommy asked curiously.

“You’re going to like this gift, Tommy,” Ghostbur said excitedly. “I thought to myself, what does Tommy like? And you know what I came up with?”

Tommy shook his head. “No, what?”

“His favourite thing in the whole wide world, is Tubbo!”

Tommy’s heart dropped. 

(His everything dropped, the name causing a pang in Tommy’s chest. Ghostbur wasn’t wrong, but it hurt like hell when your favourite thing in the entire world exiled you and sentenced you to a life of complete solitude without a seeming care in the world.)

Ghostbur handed him a compass and Tommy took it, hands shaking. It glowed softly, enchanted and attached to a lodestone that would lead back to a specific point where the lodestone was at. It was a regularly-styled compass, except there were words carved into the side, neat and delicate, obviously done with great care.

_ Your Tubbo _ .

“Tommy, I know you really, really like Tubbo,” Ghostbur began. “And I know you really, really miss him, so I went out of my way and I made you this,” he said, gesturing to the compass in Tommy’s trembling hands. “It basically points you in the direction of Tubbo, at all times! More specifically, L’manburg, Tubbo’s whitehouse. It points you right towards it at all times, so now matter where you are in this bitch of an earth, you’ll always know exactly where Tubbo is. And I thought you’d really, really appreciate that.”

Tommy was silent for a few moments, emotion threatening to send him into tears. This,  _ this _ , was something beautifully painful and Tommy didn’t really know how to process it.

“Thank you.” Was all he could say at the moment, desperately trying not to cry.

“No problem. Anyway, have fun, bye bye!” Ghostbur disappeared into nothingness, as ghosts do. Tommy had a feeling he could sense Tommy’s emotional state and wanted to give him some privacy.

(The gift hurt, it hurt, more than the silence ever could. It was a reminder of everything he’d lost, of the friend who had left him alone. But it was also a beautiful thing and Tommy cherished it with all his being. At least now he had some sort of tether to his best friend, no matter if the friend wanted him or not.)

Tommy walked back to his tent in utter silence, tears dripping from his face, but no sounds leaving his mouth. 

He opened his enderchest and sifted through the contents before finding a perfect spot to place the compass. Careful to not even give it the tiniest scratch, he laid it down there gently.

Right next to the discs.


End file.
